Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Kermit the Frog

My mornings do not begin very pleasantly. Unlike some of my fellow puppets, I do not enjoy having a strange man ram his hand up my rear. It causes me to speak in an odd tone of voice, and I often hear people mock the way it sounds. My relationship with Miss Piggy is, unfortunately, an abusive one, but I cannot release myself from our relationship because of a binding contract that has to do with who enjoys the way she bullies me. Perhaps I sound depressed or pathetic, but the truth is, I know that if the situation was reversed, people would be clamouring for justice for poor Mrs. Piggy. My life is difficult, as an actor. Some people seem to forget that not only am I a frog, but that I'm made of felt and cloth just like everyone else. I'm the most flexible star in Hollywood, and yet, I'm treated like trash away from the cameras. I'm locked away in a cold, dark box, neglected for hours at a time. Occasionally, I could have sworn that I had seen clones of me...  I mean they think it's like I can't hear them! Like I'm not even there...

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